A Badge of Honor

Mommas out there, raise your hand if you thought you'd be one of those women whose bodies would bounce back to their normal state right after delivery?

My hand is in the air. I am guilty of this.

I thought,"Oh, I'll be one of those women who won't have to worry about losing baby weight." Ha! Please tell me I am not alone.

I learned my lesson. The hard way.

Let me give you some background info for those who don't know me.

My husband and I struggled to get pregnant for a year after we miscarried with our first sweet child. When we found out we were expecting, a year ago this month actually, we were over the moon! I can't even express to you through this screen how profoundly happy we were. I could not wait to have a baby bump. Absolutely couldn't wait.

My bump grew, and grew, and grew some more. And with that bump growing, my skin began to stretch, and stretch some more. I felt so self-conscious about those dark red stretch marks. It felt like I woke up with another one every day. I remember asking all of my friends who had children if they got stretch marks. Most of them didn't, so I often wondered, "Why me? Why do I have to be scarred with these marks forever?" (I know, that sounds terrible. But stick with me...)

I wouldn't even let my husband look at my belly because I was so self-conscious of it. It would never look the same. I would never look the same.

And then, my wonderful doctor helped put it all in perspective for me. During one of my appointments, I made a comment on how many stretch marks I had and was still getting. He very casually said, "As much as you wanted this baby, I doubt you will let a few stretch marks bother you."

Ummm...I felt about 2 inches tall.

How could I have been so blind? How could I have been so selfish? This baby was wanted more than anything in the world, and I'm worried about some stretch marks on a part of my body that nobody sees anyway! My bikini days were long over before I got pregnant, so why was I so worried?

Who cares about the extra cushion I have around my belly and the lines that were formed there while my midsection grew to hold and protect my beautiful son?

Would I rather be skinny and stretch mark free, or would I rather have my son and be a little softer than I used to? The answer is obvious.

I have grown to love the beautiful marks that have scarred my body. When we think of scars, we think of them negatively. Every time. I now think of these scars as beautiful. They are beautiful to me because they are a constant reminder of what my body did. They remind me of how my body grew to allow my son to grow and develop in God's perfect image. They are a mark of motherhood. They are a sign that I am a mother. What isn't beautiful about that?

I am now proud of these wonderful marks. They are a badge of honor for me. I carry them with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life.

Now....the weight gain...I'm not so proud of that! I am now pulling my hand down ashamed of having raised it at my previous statement. We all hope our bodies will be the ones that bounce right back, but reality sets in quick when they don't.

My mom invokes her words of wisdom quite often to me. She tells me that "it took 9 months to put the weight on, so it should take some time for it to fall off." Thank you, mom! That always makes me feel better.

I am not one of those mommas who work out on a regular basis and eat healthy food 24/7. I wish I was, but that's just not me. I do the best I can, and it has to be enough for right now.

So, I am here to tell you that you are not alone in this struggle! #thestruggleisreal ;) No, really, the struggle is real! But, it is a struggle for a beautiful purpose - our children. It is worth every single second of it.

Next time your jeans are a little too tight, that muffin top is creeping out a little more than it used to, or you just feel self-concious, just look at your beautiful children. Take a second to appreciate the magnitude of what your body did to accommodate the changes that were necessary to grow that life inside of you. I assure you this will make you feel better.

I wear my stretch marks proudly. They are a part of me now. A part of me that reminds me of the wonderful changes my body went through to bring us our son.

My friends, wear your mommy marks and mommy muffin tops with pride. They are our very own, personalized, badges of honor. :)